The Magic Five Hour Week, by John Gottman

The Magic Five Hours is a way to illustrate that you don’t need to spend a lot of time to make a big impact on your relationship, just five hours a week can help you feel more connected to your partner. The Magic Five Hours are actually broken up into blocks of minutes so that it becomes much easier for even the busiest couple to understand how they can incorporate these connection-enhancing techniques. It’s not always easy to make arrangements to have that alone time but it is a clear signal, a way of saying to your partner and yourself, that I value our relationship and I am willing to invest time into “us”.

~ Partings: Do not part in the morning without knowing one interesting thing that will happen in your partner’s day. Time allocation: 10 minutes per week (2 minutes a day x 5 working days).

~ Reunions: When you see your partner again at the end of the day, share a hug and kiss that last at least six seconds. Dr. John Gottman calls this a “kiss is a ritual of connection that is worth coming home to”. After the six-second kiss, have a stress reducing conversation for at least 10-20 minutes. This provides you with a space for empathy and non-sexual intimacy, as well as encourages you to understand the stresses and problems outside of your relationship that you’re both facing. Time allocation: 1 hour and 40 minutes per week (20 minutes a day x 5 working days)

~ Appreciation and Admiration: It’s important to find ways to genuinely communicate affection and appreciation toward your partner. I encourage couples that I work with to use an admiration journal, which enables them to record something small they notice and connect it to a trait they admire in their partner. Time allocation: 35 minutes per week (5 minutes a day x 7 days)

~ Affection: Expressing physical affection when you’re together is vital to feeling connected to each other. Make sure to embrace each other before falling asleep. This can be as simple as cuddling for a few minutes or a goodnight kiss. Time Allocation: 35 minutes a week (5 minutes a day x 7 days)

~ Date Night: Take at least 2 hours a week for a marital date. During this date you can do a number of things, such as checking in with each other (how are we doing?), discussing conflictual issues, aspirations and dreams for the future and/ or spending quality time with each other. Time allocation: 2 hours once a week

*** I’d recommend this become a weekly ritual in your relationship that happens at the same time each week.