The Complementary Couple

We do not marry our parents, but we marry people who resemble our parents. The likeness of finding a partner who shares similar fears contributes to greater comfort and closeness. The continuous search of pain comes from protection and reassurance: we are attracted to what is familiar. By this I mean unresolved issues of life from family of origin.

Nevertheless, contrary to this, we look for people whose coping styles are opposite to ours. The complementary coping styles are opposite ways of trying to resolve the same conflicts that are derived from unresolved issues in each partner’s family of origin.

We search for partners with shared fears because we know what to expect. On the same note, we fear looking for something else because the outcomes are unknown. Thus when two individuals meet they hope to be cured by each other because of the other’s apparent ease with the contrasting solution.